can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
