But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
