Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
