You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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