Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
