A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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