hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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