she smelled like a LAN party
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
