My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
