I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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