i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
