Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
