How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
whose ass print is on the piano?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
