You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
