i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
