My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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