i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
