Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
