I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
