I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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