I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
In America we eat man semen.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
