i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
