One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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