We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
