also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
