I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
