I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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