on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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