I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
