So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
