It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
