I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
