Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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