woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
