I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
