Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
