in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are two peas in an std pod
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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