its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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