I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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