$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
