hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize