you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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