I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
