Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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