He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
