I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
