btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
