so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
