i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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