jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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