ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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