She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize