i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
