im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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