Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
