Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
