totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
