the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
