I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
