Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
