it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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