do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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