cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
