New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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