someone threw a dead crab at me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
