It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
