i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
