I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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