Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
