When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
