Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
