So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
