lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
