My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
