my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just invented taco cereal.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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