I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
