He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
