i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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