I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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