If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
