We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
