I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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