dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize