I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
