Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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