so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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