walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
