I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize