Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
