Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
