Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I touched a dick in church today
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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