I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
