I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
