my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
