Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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