I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just found puke in my bra..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
