Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
