:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
