I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
